|trying to sort through when i got sick and each time when i got worse...
||[Oct. 22nd, 2003|10:05 am]
my broken wings ::health journal::
4th grade could remember bad manic episod ...i remember them younger then that in milder form too but that was the turning point one.|
12yrs old ibs const.
as young as i can remember- depression
-anxiety and worrying to the point of throing up
high school -canada-grade9-10- tired a lot and very depressed. under a lot of stress.. when feeling socialiable i was happy and loved my friends and forgot the rest of the world for a while but even then i would sleep A LOT
highschool-after i moved to dad's got worse then is when we all think
there was even more stress at home...starting a new school...not talking to my mom anymore...
senior year started working a lot with photochemicals and more chemicals in general in the house. (my mom never used any chemicals just out of being cheep and using vinegar and water and my step mom used bleach and heavy cleaners cos she has to feel everything is "clean"). Things got real bad in college first year. my perpertrator was stalking me in the halls therefore i was under MAJOR STRESS. Plus MAJOR STRESS at home too. Started working with photo chemicals aall the time at school adn at work (work had no ventelation) and oil paints in my room w/o ventilation.
I ended up havign to be on breating treatments sometimes for asthma like symtoms and as soon as i quit the photo place i was able to quit the breathing treatments. At some point once again timeframe crap in brain doesn't work..i got mono really severe. i was also hospitalized for depression (don't know which came first the mono or the psych ward). but also they never checked my blood level when they gave me depakote...NOT ONCE. so i kinda think the mono came after cos i also got jaundice which is from your liver not functioning properly.
I have t o say there are bits and pieces of time that i don't remember to well like parts of middle school. I do remember elementary school i used to ger sever ear infections..had tubes in my ears and i remember never being able to sleep laying down completey...i had to be somewhat upright.
time that i got better i think i slowed down took time off work and time away from everything. but in my head things get fuzzy and i can't remember.
i know when i get worse is when i go the wrong direction too...stressfull event...like marriage was the last one...getting married when i wanted to say no, but feeling already stuck. and then going through a divorce and all... oh and then being in a moldy house for so long. so yea there are certain triggers that i do know about.
so yea there are many ideas i have on what could have caused or triggered it ...could be a big combo and i may never know.....