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my broken wings ::health journal::
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2003|11:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | like a semi normal person | ] |
i worked a 3 hour shift and make it through ok...that is huge for me right now...i only sat down once.
and i'm not even crying in pain right now either. Insted i feel good right now...big change from how i have been feeling. I slept 13 hours last night too, i'm sure that helped and i asked for prayer last night and spilled my guts cos i have been having panic attacks on a very very regular basis i almost took myself to the hospital twice this week...it takes A LOT for me to get to that point. I have been stressing like crazy though too much going on...to much family stuff...not good news either.
on a good note some of you already know but for those of you who don't i did get approved for medicaid and food benefits or did i mention that in here already i forget...meaning i can actually go see a regular dr but it is kinda screwy cos in order to keep em i have to fill out more forms and "prove" i am disabled.
anyways i really really wish i could just say that i am better and don't need their help. It is such a pain already to deal with them that i would soooooo much rather be heathy and working again |
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| trying to sort through when i got sick and each time when i got worse... |
[Oct. 22nd, 2003|10:05 am] |
4th grade could remember bad manic episod ...i remember them younger then that in milder form too but that was the turning point one.
12yrs old ibs const.
as young as i can remember- depression
-anxiety and worrying to the point of throing up
high school -canada-grade9-10- tired a lot and very depressed. under a lot of stress.. when feeling socialiable i was happy and loved my friends and forgot the rest of the world for a while but even then i would sleep A LOT
highschool-after i moved to dad's got worse then is when we all think
there was even more stress at home...starting a new school...not talking to my mom anymore...
senior year started working a lot with photochemicals and more chemicals in general in the house. (my mom never used any chemicals just out of being cheep and using vinegar and water and my step mom used bleach and heavy cleaners cos she has to feel everything is "clean"). Things got real bad in college first year. my perpertrator was stalking me in the halls therefore i was under MAJOR STRESS. Plus MAJOR STRESS at home too. Started working with photo chemicals aall the time at school adn at work (work had no ventelation) and oil paints in my room w/o ventilation.
I ended up havign to be on breating treatments sometimes for asthma like symtoms and as soon as i quit the photo place i was able to quit the breathing treatments. At some point once again timeframe crap in brain doesn't work..i got mono really severe. i was also hospitalized for depression (don't know which came first the mono or the psych ward). but also they never checked my blood level when they gave me depakote...NOT ONCE. so i kinda think the mono came after cos i also got jaundice which is from your liver not functioning properly.
I have t o say there are bits and pieces of time that i don't remember to well like parts of middle school. I do remember elementary school i used to ger sever ear infections..had tubes in my ears and i remember never being able to sleep laying down completey...i had to be somewhat upright.
time that i got better i think i slowed down took time off work and time away from everything. but in my head things get fuzzy and i can't remember.
i know when i get worse is when i go the wrong direction too...stressfull event...like marriage was the last one...getting married when i wanted to say no, but feeling already stuck. and then going through a divorce and all... oh and then being in a moldy house for so long. so yea there are certain triggers that i do know about.
so yea there are many ideas i have on what could have caused or triggered it ...could be a big combo and i may never know..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2003|11:45 am] |
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I have a dr apt today with a new psych and I really would rather not go. I wouldn't mind if it was going to see my regular one but I just hate having to go through history and just meet someone new. I feel grumpy and antisocial and want to stay in bed...and I don't feel so well physically ...I never do on mondays. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2003|07:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | crickets | ] |
it's about time i am finally going to bed...going to bed early???? ......um no...not really...more like ..really really late...missed a whole night |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2003|06:54 am] |
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er maybe i should have been good and not gone and got cofee :P |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2003|06:53 am] |
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the sun is coming up and i still haven't gone to bed...guess those sedatives they gave me don't work so well...heh |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2003|12:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
oh my gosh i hate how many forms you have to fill out for both FIA and SS ...it's just insane. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 14th, 2003|09:45 pm] |
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meds are making me feel weird...and my moods seem stable for a while and then change rapidly quickly intensely. It is weird. I feel somewhat manic but stoned at the same time....i have been feeling creative but no physical energy....oh and when i do overdo it i seem to throw up ...fun fun...I'm sure i already mentioned that though...but now it seems to be several times a week. today i had a friend pick me up and run some errands ...got some papers taken care of for FIA so i have to send those in. i have to go in tomorrow and get more blood drawn...more fun....full time job of Dr apt. oh and i missed my apt for today...talked to my therapist on the phone and she told me to mention to them that they have me so medicated that i can't remember my apt...she said that's not like me....hehe |
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| migrane/sinus pressure/fibro pain really sucks...what a fun combo of crap... |
[Oct. 7th, 2003|11:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
I am sitting in my room with the lights off, the blinds closed so it's almost completely dark, the computer brightness turned way down and wearing sunglasses and i am still screaming with pain.
Also been dealing with FIA and applied for medicare and went to community mental health (free visits and free meds :)
so i am back on meds started a week ago. depakote and risperdal and now the other dr i saw wants to put me on topamax or something like that to help with the symptems from depakote and so i don't gain weight and stop taking the depakote.
I have noticed that everytime i start to overdo it i get such bad fibro pain and fatige that i get migrane like headaches and nauseasness (i get naseaus even if i dont' get the headach)...sucks that am throwing up now if i try to actually attempt to have a life ..sigh..heh it's not even trying to have a life though it's just trying to keep up on drs apts even....how do u explain to them that your too sick to keep up on going to the dr ....grrrrrrr
I'm going to go lay down now till my parents get here and bring me meds anyways... |
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| A MUST HAVE IF U HAVE CHEMICAL SENSITIVITY!!!!!! |
[Sep. 17th, 2003|12:09 pm] |
AS150MM ...this is a wearable air purifier that you wear around your neck. it is about the size of a pager. I just got one and it helps sooo much.
I honestly didn't believe it would work but I was so desperate that I tried it anyways and it really does help A LOT.
Our church just moved to a new school building they had put new carpet in (carpet squares so they used carpet glue) and they polyurethaned the gym. The first time I went I had to leave cos I couldn't breath. I ordered this and went this past week and I was ok there. |
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| UGH!!!!!!! |
[Sep. 13th, 2003|09:12 am] |
I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS I HATE DRS |
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| I hurt from head to toe... |
[Aug. 28th, 2003|09:33 am] |
Physically - I feel like someone rolled me on to I94 in the middle of the night and left me there for every vehicle to run over me all night and then dragged me back into bed just before gaining conciousness....yep having a bad fibro flair up :P
woke up having difficulty breathing too but it is going away now...wondering if it is too damp in my room or if i didn't get all the cat pee out.
I really hate having stairs here....i need to get a bathroom put in downstairs or start just sleeping upstairs.
someone told me to look up wilson's syndrome and to start checking my temp for low body temp. I have been checking it and it is really low esp in the morning. but i read a lil and people w/ fibro have low body temp too. and i didn't really find out what to do to correct low body temp and w/ my brain feeling foggy it's hard to follow or remember stuff. Sometimes i really just get to the oint where i dont' want to read/try another thing.
but anyways...
body temp upon waking today 96.6
the other day it was 95.5 upon waking and it fluctuated btwn that and 97.7 throughout the day.
I feel depression coming on too...may just be that i'm not awake yet not sure. I did feel slightly manic last night so i'm just asuming that if i was up i'm now coming down...fun fun.. |
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| not good... |
[Aug. 21st, 2003|01:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | days of our lives | ] |
I have been feeling better lately so i agreed to fill in at my old job. I am supposed to leave soon and ibs is flairing up like mad. I have to calm down or this could be really bad.
also why if they are saying it is dangerously hot outside am i sitting inside w/o the air on and cold?? that doesn't seem right...i woke up freezing last night too...weird....it's summer...wt??
on a good note energy level seems ok and pain isn't bad....i crashed last night some but i am actually feeling a whole lot better than i expected in that aspect. |
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| yerba mate |
[Aug. 2nd, 2003|08:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
does anyone know if yerba mate helps with pain. I never heard anything about it helping but it seems like it is helping. I know it helps with energy and thats why i take it but it seems like it is helping some with pain. I don't want to give it credit though if it is something else. but i know that i have been in such bad pain that i even took some of mom's rx pain meds...i know i shouldn't but i was desperate...well they didn't even help. I seem to be feeling more pain relief after drinking this tea than i did with her oxycocet...weird. The pain isn't gone by any means but it is better and as soon as the tea seems to wear off the pain seems to get worse....hmmmmm |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2003|06:47 pm] |
how do you help someone else when you can't even help yourself??? |
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| oh and on another note: |
[Jul. 27th, 2003|04:14 pm] |
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I have kinda been attempting (and attempting is the key word cos i'm failing miserably) to cut out carbs and caffiene. I'm doing fine with the caffiene it's the sugar and bread and potatoes that i'm not doing the greatest job with. I have noticed some difference and i do have to make a note to self that I was feeling good this morning and until lunch when we did have potatoes and other starchy food and not much protien. my energy level, pain level and mood all changed. not sure if it has anything to do with that or not but just something i want to watch |
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| the joys of laundry |
[Jul. 27th, 2003|04:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
I did some of my laundry and I went to take it out to dry (after mom yelling your not using the dryer in the summer you'll waste too much energy...me thinking i will waste more [of my own] energy by taking it outside but whatever), so i take it out and i'm thinking i must be feeling better it's not hurting to take it out nearly as much. I get outside and go to start hanging them and I forgot the clothes..yea most people would think to look in the basket after noticing it was lighter but no not I. I didn't think a thing of it it was still heavy enough being empty. So anyways I go back in and get the clothes out of the wash and get them all hung up on the line outside. Totally exhausted at this point and then the whole line falls down. All my clothes are on the ground...and not just anywhere but where I tie ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) austiepuppy out. I went back in and layed down and was practically in tears, I was so fed up and just crashed. |
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